NOW YOU CAN DOWNLOAD ANY AND ALL OF THESE SONGS!

What the heck is the KNOW Talent Agency, anyway? Well, I’ve never made any money doing this, and the only performer is me, and my talent is questionable, so the term Talent Agency is a misnomer. The KNOW Talent Agency is just the cast of imaginary characters that I give credit for performing my songs. I am Roscoe Aardvark, Rufus Leaking, Mr. Wompy and yes, even Buzzy Bottoms. And to answer the question that everyone has asked me, "Have you made any money from your songs?", the answer is, "NO!"

Then why did you do this? I’ve always loved crazy songs and parodies. Since my teenage years, I’ve dreamed of writing and performing a dumb song, and then hearing it on the radio. So back in the late 80s, I took some of my hard-earned money and invested in a few electronic musical instruments, a 4-track recorder and computer software and started a new hobby. When John-Boy and Billy of WRFX put "A Crazy Bunch" on the air in April 1987, my dream was realized!

OK, I admit that "A Crazy Bunch" isn’t too good, and my singing voice falls far below most standards of professionalism, but we all gotta start somewhere. If you are patient and make it all the way through all of these songs, you should enjoy at least a few of them. Fart songs? If you are a guy, you’ll have a few laughs. If you’re female, you are probably genetically programmed against "getting" fart humor.    

Are you on Facebook?  Then you should "like" my K.N.O.W. Talent Agency page there!  (Thanks!)

Newest ...
Recorded December 31, 2013

  She Blinded Me With Drano • Mr. Wompy • December 2013 • This is a parody of "She Blinded Me With Science" by Thomas Dolby.  No, this is not based on a true story.  My demented mind can just go in strange directions sometimes.  .... file size 3,527,692 bytes ... Did you like this song?  You can click here and request this song on the Dr. Demento show!  Thanks!

RELATIVELY NEW ...

  I Hate Self-Flushing Toilets • Mr. Wompy • July 2013 • This is a parody of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" from The Wizard Of Oz.  My parody describes exactly how I feel about self-flushing toilets -- I HATE THEM!!!!!  .... file size 1,712,527 bytes ... Did you like this song?  You can click here and request this song on the Dr. Demento show!  Thanks!

  Paradise In My GPS • Mr. Wompy • March 2013 • This is a parody of one of my all-time favorite classic rock songs -- "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" by Meat Loaf. And I have "country-fied" it into a song about a dumb "good-ol-boy" getting turned on by the female voice in his GPS. Yes, it's "Paradise In My GPS". There is plenty of bad grammar in it, and the singing ain't that wonderful. But, hopefully, you'll get a few laughs out of it. .... file size 8,102,991 bytes ... Did you like this song?  You can click here and request this song on the Dr. Demento show!  Thanks!

  Wal-Martian Rhapsody • Mr. Wompy • February 2009 • This one is a parody of one of my all-time favorite rock songs -- "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.  My version is called "Wal-Martian Rhapsody".  The music has been "country-fied", and it's the story of somebody's trip to a Wal-Mart.  Interestingly and ironically, the idea for this song came to me one day when I was shopping in a Target store.  (My mind works in mysterious ways, as many of you know.) Yes, the vocals are not exactly professional in quality, but that was the effect that I was trying to create.  (Yeah, right, Eric .... good excuse for bad singing ...)  Give it a listen, and let me know what you think!  I appreciate any feedback (and especially positive feedback)!!! . ... file size 7,067,701 bytes ... Did you like this song?  You can click here and request this song on the Dr. Demento show!  Thanks!

  Kaizen Blitz • Mr. Wompy • August 2008 • If you have ever worked for a company that uses some version of the Toyota Business System, you should enjoy this song.  If you have worked in corporate America some time in the last decade or so, you should at least get a few chuckles out of this.  This is a parody of "Ballroom Blitz" by Sweet. . ... file size 6,030,659 bytes ... Did you like this song?  You can click here and request this song on the Dr. Demento show!  Thanks!
I have also made a music video of this song --- you can see it here on YouTube!

  Pokin' Holes • Mr. Wompy • January 2005 • I came up with this song back in the late 1990s, and I finally got around to recording it in 2005.  I consider it to be the definitive song about body piercing.  I just don't understand why somebody would poke a hole in their eyebrow or navel or tongue or ... name your favorite body part.  I believe that there is a good reason for pain -- it means "DON'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!!"  ...  This song has been included on a few podcasts (check out my song details here at the Mad Music web site), and has been in the Dementia Top 20 on DFSXRadio.com. ... file size 2,885,632 bytes ... Did you like this song?  You can click here and request this song on the Dr. Demento show!  Thanks!

OVER EIGHT YEARS OLD ...
(Recorded July 23, 2004)

  Wagdi • Mr. Wompy • July 2004 • If anyone is looking for proof that I am completely nuts, then all you have to do is listen to this song.  Yes, there really was a man named Wagdi who worked at a grocery store near my home.  He was a nice guy, and knew how to treat his customers.  But he would have probably had a hemorrhage if he had known that some customer had decided to write a song about him.  Why did I do this?  Gee .... I don't know .... I shopped there one day, and on the way home this song just started materializing in my head.  But I sensed that it needed something a little different in the middle of the song.  Finally, it hit me -- why not a parody of Toni Basil's "Mickey"?... This song was played on the nationally syndicated Dr. Demento Show on 1/22 & 1/23/05! ...  file size 2,875,392 bytes... Did you like this song?  You can click here and request this song on the Dr. Demento show!  Thanks!

Crazy Christmas Stuff

  I Want A Blow-Up Doll For Christmas • Arnie Aardvark • November 1992 • This is the big one!  It was played three times on the nationally syndicated Dr. Demento Show during the 1993 Christmas season, and has been played on more than 15 shows over the years!  Not only that, but it was the #1 song in the 1993 Christmas Funny Five on the show.  (The opinions expressed in this song do not represent the opinions of the songwriter.  No way.  This is comedy only!) ...(Considering the relative success of this song, I am amazed that none of my crazy friends have actually given me a blow-up doll for Christmas.) ... file size 2,105,260 bytes... Did you like this song?  You can click here and request this song on the Dr. Demento show!  Thanks!

  Christmas Tails • Buzzy Bottoms • November 1987 • The musical butt performs a Christmas medley.  Watch out for stray lightning bolts during the Hallelujah Chorus finale!... file size 1,564,819 bytes  • This one was also played on The John-Boy & Billy Show on WRFX in Charlotte (before they went into syndication).  Here is a recording of it when they first played it on their show (file size:  2,196,345 bytes).  

  Funny Santa Claus • Roscoe Aardvark • November 1987 • What if Santa Claus was a homosexual?  This song explores that strange possibility.  Considered by many to be KNOW Talent Agency’s best, it still never got airplay. ... file size 2,635,232 bytes

My Other Crazy Crap

    A Crazy Bunch • Roscoe Aardvark • April 1987 • This is the very first song, written in response to a theme song contest for John-Boy and Billy of WRFX radio in Charlotte (before they went into syndication).  It made it on the air, but it didn’t win. (Parody of The Brady Bunch) ... file size 1,406,955 bytes • Here it is as broadcasted on The John-Boy & Billy Show (file size 2,237,713 bytes).  The sound quality isn't that great because I recorded it while I was at work, holding a microphone up to the radio.  

  Dueling Behinds • Buzzy Bottoms • April 1987 • It’s amazing what I was able to do with a Macintosh computer, sound digitizing hardware and music software. Add a good meal of pinto beans into the mix, and you’ve got a hit song. With apologies to Arthur Smith.  This was probably my most-played song on the John-Boy and Billy Show. ... file size 1,240,502 bytes.  Here it is as broadcasted on The John-Boy & Billy Show (file size 1,832,711 bytes). 

    Hey, George! • Roscoe Aardvark • April 1987 • Local millionaire George Shinn had just convinced the NBA to put a franchise in Charlotte, NC. He was a local hero at the time, but he wanted to call the team the Charlotte Spirit. This song was conceived, written and recorded in one evening, with the sole purpose being to change George’s mind. Note that the name "Hornets" is suggested in the song.  As it turned out, George eventually moved the team to New Orleans, and now the Charlotte NBA team is called the Bobcats.  This one also made it on the air. ... file size 2,170,253 bytes  On-the-air version (file size 2,740,517 bytes)
 

    Hooterville Rap • Rufus Leaking • May 1987 • My personal tribute to one of television’s all-time best situation comedies: Green Acres!  My lucky streak continued - this one made it on the air, too! ... file size 2,473,482 bytes  On-the-air version  (file size 3,352,828 bytes)
 

    The Official Telephone Solicitation Protest Song  • Elmo Elshire • July 1987 • It was time to write a song about one of my biggest pet peeves.  Some people have told me that this is their favorite of all my songs, but it does tend to drag on and on.  This one didn’t make it on the air.  By the way, the Bob Walton referred to in the song was a local (Mecklenburg County, NC) county commissioner who got arrested and convicted for homosexual assault on a 17-year-old boy.  He served 30 days, and later got re-elected. ... file size 2,737,214 bytes

    The Clang-Clang Man • Roscoe Aardvark with the Clang-Clang Man • August 1987 • The Clang-Clang Man was a popular caller on John-Boy & Billy’s Open Line. I soon found out that he worked for my brother, so I wrote a song just for him, and he became the first guest artist for the KNOW Talent Agency.   This became my 5th song on the air.  (A few years after I recorded the song, I realized that he was actually called the "Clank-Clank Man" by John-Boy & Billy.  Oh, well ... I was close.)  Final note to story: my brother had to fire him a few months later. Such is the price of fame and fortune. ... file size 3,313,371 bytes
On-the-air version  (file size 2,566,671 bytes)
 

    You’re Gonna Look Like A Monkey • Bob Raiford with Buzzy Bottoms • January 1988 • My timed tape recorder picked up controversial WRFX commentator Robert D. Raiford singing one morning. So with the magic of my Macintosh and the sound digitizer, I transformed it into a fully orchestrated masterpiece. Sort of.  Raiford was apparently upset that I used his voice without his permission, but they put it on the air anyway. ... file size 1,475,918
On-the-air version  (file size 1,656,362 bytes)  And that was actually me on the trumpet -- I just let John-Boy take credit for it.
 

    The Mary Kay Hotel • Roscoe Aardvark • April 1989 • After a long period of inactivity, the KNOW Talent Agency returned with another hit. A new huge pink church in Charlotte, NC,  visible from miles away, inspired this parody of Heartbreak Hotel.  This one made it on the air, too!*  (And now, many years later, the church is no longer pink.  They have toned it down to a light taupe.)... 2,640,457 bytes  On-the-air version  (file size 1,656,362 bytes)  I actually wrote the letter that they are reading on the air. 
 

    (There’s An Odor) In The Air Tonight • Ernest T. Collins • April 1989 • Fart humor returns. Many apologies to Phil Collins. This one didn’t make it on the air. Strike another blow for quality radio programming. ... file size 3,036,891 bytes

    Blue Denim Suit • Roscoe Aardvark • August 1989 • Jim Bakker (TV preacher from the PTL Club) was convicted of fleecing his flock, so I wrote this parody of Blue Suede Shoes. This one didn’t make the airwaves either. (In case you don’t get it, many prisoners wear blue denim.) * ... file size 2,651,951 bytes

    USeless Air • The Jim-Bob Hendrix Bad Flight Experience • October 1989 • When USAir bought Piedmont Airlines, their service went to hell in a hand basket, thus inspiring this parody of Jimmy Hendrix’s Purple Haze. The flight attendant speaking at the end was supposed to poke fun at a few recent USAir screw-ups. OK, so it isn’t very funny.  Must be why this one didn't make it on the air. ... file size 2,551,769 bytes

    Niners, Be Good • Eric Brown • January 1992 • I wrote and recorded this song to celebrate the recent success of the UNC Charlotte basketball team. John-Boy liked it so much that he recorded his own version. This is my version. Guess which one was broadcast? * ... file size 2,777,861 bytes  John-Boy's on-the-air version  (includes the message that John-Boy left on my answering machine to tell me that he had recorded his own version) (file size 3,272,135 bytes)
 

    The Redneck Song • Richard Cranium • February 1992 • A parody of Sweet Transvestite from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. No offense intended to Gastonians (i.e. people from Gastonia, NC). * ... file size 3,892,245 bytes

    Cathy Ain’t Got No Nose • Roscoe Aardvark • March 1992 • An all-out attack on the popular comic strip "Cathy". This parody of Chantilly Lace looks at it from a male perspective (i.e. why doesn’t Irving just dump Cathy?). As it turns out, in the comic strip Cathy ended up marrying Irving.  He obviously didn't listen to this song. * ... file size 2,727,184 bytes

    The Horny Computer • P.C. Macintosh and the Peripheral Equipment • August 1992 • My Macintosh computer was the vocalist on this one, and the quality of my background music improved a great deal.  This original composition didn’t make it on the air because the lyrics were not intelligible enough.  Listen closely, though, and you should understand it.  (And remember that in 1992, 8 megs was a lot of RAM!) ... file size 1,448,646 bytes

    NASCAR Speed Racer • Roscoe Aardvark • May 1993 • This song was a blatant attempt to get back on the John-Boy and Billy show by jumping on the NASCAR bandwagon that comes to Charlotte every May.  In my humble opinion, it’s a pretty good song, but I struck out again. And times have changed since I recorded this song.  They now have Japanese cars (Toyotas) in NASCAR races. ... file size 2,848,391 bytes

    Money For Selling • Eric Brown • early 1990s • This is a parody of Money For Nothing by Dire Straits, and was written and recorded to add spice to one of my former employer's sales meetings.  You probably won't get some parts of this one unless you are familiar with Warner Electric products. ... file size 3,680,259 bytes

    Impeach The Lying SOB • Roscoe Aardvark • September 1998 • Even if you are a big long-time KNOW Talent Agency fan, you probably haven't heard this one.  This was one I recorded in reaction to Clinton's Monica Lewinsky fiasco.  I wasn't particularly pleased with the end result of the recording, so I never played it for anyone, and I didn't send it to John-Boy and Billy or Dr. Demento.  But now you can hear it here! ... file size 1,324,408 bytes

* Indicates that the background music is from a "karoake" sing-a-long tape. On all other songs, the musical accompaniment was created by Yours Truly.

"Funny Santa Claus" © 1987 Eric Brown

"I Want A Blow-Up Doll For Christmas" © 1992 Eric Brown

"Pokin' Holes" © 2005 Eric Brown

All rights reserved, so you don’t get any!

Huge helpings of thanks to:

My wife Pat for her love and support, playing the stewardess in "USeless Air", and putting up with the fart songs.

John-Boy and Billy of WRFX for the free publicity.

Roger Murray for the name "Roscoe Aardvark".

National Lampoon for the name "Rufus Leaking".

Robert D. Raiford for not taking me to court for using his voice.

Dr. Demento for giving my music national exposure.

All of those songwriters whose music I used in my song parodies.

All of you that have actually enjoyed my music and have urged me to continue in this madness.

If the sound quality of this music is not up to the professional standards of the rest of your music collection, please remember...